April 2, 2008

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaa...! (Apologies to Sam Raimi)

I know some of you have been wondering what happened with Anikin the Manikin, who was left to fend for himself against the murderous tag-team of the Formidable Forced-Crocus and the Hyacinth from Hell.

The coming of spring meant the end for the mutant forced-bulb crowd, but as evil and mean-spirited as they turned near the end, they tried to bring down our mild-mannered hero along with their own sagging foliage.
But, Super-hero that he is and of course with the help of his trained turtle, Shelley, they were able to persevere and dominate the rag-tag army of out of season bulbids, thru dogged determination, true grit, and against all odds.

Speaking of Anikin, this next bit is from the "Don't Forget We Thought of it First" department. Sharon and I were languishing about the castle the other day when the topic of "How far can George Lucas take Star Wars anyway...?" came up. We were thinking that after a couple more sequels to the pre-prequels, we should be about back to present day and really get to see what the Skywalker relatives look like in our own terms.

Luke Skywalker

So after inputting all the variables into four Commodore 64's wired in parallel, and using a little-known algorithm provided by Leonard Maltin and the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration's chaos theory labs, we found that there was a 90% probability that the Skywalkers lived in an abandoned gas station just off of State Route 46 near Cholame, California, where little 12 year old Cletus Skywalker existed solely off of fried cactus cooked by his aging grandmother and worked on cars.

Computer generated age-regression

He would go on to meet an affluent Valley-girl left in the abandoned station's rest room after her parents mistook it for a working Chevron.
They fall in love, but realize they have their own destinies to fulfill, yadda, yadda. But there's trouble afoot when Alec Guinness tells young Cletus not to mess with a darkly mysterious foreign car he found in the desert. But of course, he doesn't listen. At least there is a 10% chance that this all won't happen...