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October 28th, 2009 - Inspirational Marketing

I received an email the other day from 'my buddy' here Wes Parker (classy aol address there, Wes), who seems to think I run a church or want to buy a used car...

From: Wes Parker
Sent: Monday, October 26, 2009 12:59 AM (Wes keeps odd hours)
Subject: #1 Church Growth Resource - 60% Discount This Week

Church Growth Direct
--- Helping you grow God's Kingdom!

USA Today Reports Church Decline - You Can Be the Exception

USA Today reported that almost all churches have continued to lose ground in the last 20 years. But not all churches are declining or just barely growing. Some are thriving. And the God-given principles that drive their effectiveness are known, common to each, and repeatable.

Your church can be one of these exceptions. See our Products and Services sections to learn about and apply these principles.

Why Choose CGD...?

There are many organizations that want to help churches grow. Churches overwhelming choose CGD because we are the only resource that "puts it all together" as we affect all aspects of your church---helping you transition from programs and marketing to relational ministry. Other organizations only affect one or a few aspects. Also, our easy to understand and easy to use Products and Services are backed by extensive research 
that identifies what God has designed to really work ---
nothing more, nothing less.
(Well, when you have the big G behind you, how can you lose...?!)
(and I'm having a hard time visualizing what 'something more' could be...)

#1 Church Growth Resource

Church Growth Direct (CGD) is an organization committed
to partnering with your church to increase its effectiveness
--- resulting in substantial and sustained growth.
CGD is the number one church growth resource because our Products and Services provide you with the highest rate of sustained qualitative and quantitative growth.

Whatever your church size, type, style, or situation (church plant, small/medium/large/mega missions) our Products and Services will enable and accelerate your effectiveness and growth. Begin your new journey today!

(It's all about those Products and Services. After reading this I feel like starting a church Wes, just to take advantage of your Products and Services. Where do I sign up...? I also have some Eskimos that would like to buy some ice. Can you help them too...?)

Dr. Wes Parker, Principle Agent
Church Growth Direct - Helping you grow God’s kingdom 
P.O.Box 271795, Flower Mound, TX 75027


buthidae said...

Maybe you need to finish that Ordination application

dignature said...

Heh. I'm trying to come up with a catchy church name first...
'Ministry of the Sarcastic Dorks' or the like.