July 13th, 2009 - Happy Birthday!

My birthday sucks. I was just thinking this as I was wishing a friend a 'happy birthday' yesterday. Yeah, happy birthday you lucky sucker! I have a March birthday, and I don't know if it has to do with the time of year or what, but the day is cursed. It is just a sucky day. I can't remember very many of my birthdays that were memorable for being good. I'm serious. Most of the time I either ran upstairs crying, planned some special event that completely failed, or got drunk by myself. The ones that were fun, were so much fun that I really can't remember them.
So the majority have sucked. So far. But consider...
For others in my situation, I'm proposing one of two things:

1) People that have birthdays at nice times of the year trade birthdays with their friends, so that those friends can actually have a chance to have a birthday on a nice sunny day at the lake, or can take a walk down a country road with blowing fall leaves, instead of trudging back home from the optometrist with their new horn-rimmed glasses that they didn't want in the first place through 20 inches of slush (one of my birthday memories.)
Maybe you could even trade birthdays with different friends every year so that everyone could experience their birthday during a different month of the year! This would not only have the advantage of seeing what different months are like for your birthday, but no one would have to wait a year for their birthday to come around again! Par-tee!
Or

2) Celebrate your conception instead of your birthday.
To me this seems more logical. (I know, except in certain cases, and then I don't know if you'd be too proud of your birthday anyway)
It seems like more of an occasion with intent; celebrating mutual love, inception of a family ideal, or just a culmination of a wild night, rather than whatever time you happen to pop out and everyone is waiting around at the hospital groggy from being up for three days, going thank god that's over, just slap the kid (let me slap him, no let me slap him) have a cigar, let's go eat.
With this handy web page I've found, now you can quickly calculate the date of your conception:
You just type in your birthday and subtract nine months and you get the approximate date of your happy accident, divine inspiration, test-tube pouring, or knock-down drag-out party.
Mine is: Sunday, June 12, 1960. Sounds like a chance at nicer weather than mid-March, when it ALWAYS snows buckets of slush, right between high-school hockey tournaments and St. Urho's Day.
With this web page you can also calculate other interesting time quandaries, such as "Interesting dates related to your birthday," where you can calculate when you will be a billion seconds old, or figure out your age or the age of another person, thing or event, down to the second.
You can also calculate the "Duration between two moments in time," down to the second, to see how much younger you are than your identical twin say, or see how long it's been since you had a good birthday, and the like.
Friends I beg of you, let's put an end to sucky birthdays. Put some variety into your lives. Let's not relegate ourselves to a 'go nowhere, do nothing' date in time.
We earthlings practice what is known in metaphysics as "personal time" anyway, so it's all relative. Take out the leap years and your birthdate is all screwed up. It's not that accurate of a calendar, let's face it.
So please, for the benefit of all humankind, let's switch it up.

2 comments:

alicia said...

As someone with an intimate knowledge of March 12th birthdays, I've had a very different experience. Sure, the weather is usually in winter/spring/slush hinterland. But with no interesting holidays or weather conditions to compete with it, I felt like my birthday (and that of other mid-Marchers) was the only party in town. Consequently, people are usually available for whatever type of shindig I choose to throw, and desperate enough to escape their mid-March doldrums that they're up for anything I choose to call entertaining.

So go ahead and throw away your claim to 3/12, Tim. It'll bring me one step closer to consolidating my personal holiday power! Bwahahahaha!!!

dignature said...

I didn't want to trade birthdays with you anyway. :P